Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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