I'm gonna have a badass scar
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
