so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
