Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
