He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
