I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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