also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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