He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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