I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
