I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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