Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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