i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize