I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
