I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
