At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
