I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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