Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
