Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
