Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I did not marry a roomba.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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