I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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