so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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