why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize