just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
