Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
