they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
