I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
