It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
