The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
