Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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