yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
