About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
