oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
