Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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