Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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