If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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