I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
