Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
