You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
