if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize