smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
