I'm going to jail i love you
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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