I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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