wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
