i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize