Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
