almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
