I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think your dad took our porno
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
