So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
