mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
