Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
