you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
