Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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