He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You made out with two different species that night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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