Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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