in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
