I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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