hell yes lets make some ravioli
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
