Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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