i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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