Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
