So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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