The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
