Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
