Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he shaved USA in his pubs
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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