today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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