I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
