so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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