We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
40s are totally the cure
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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