Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
