You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
