if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
