at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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