Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
