he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
