Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
