So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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