If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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